Tell me if this is familiar: you are having a rough day, and so you decide to take a hot shower. You’re in there a bit longer than usual, and when you come out, you tell your partner, “sorry, I just needed to take an extra few minutes.” Or how about this: you’ve been having a really great day full of activities that produce some fun photos which you post to instagram, facebook, twitter, etc. When you post the final photos you caption them “sorry for all of the photo spam!”
I am definitely guilty of both of these, and many more examples of apologizing when it is totally unnecessary. Without analyzing why we feel the need to apologize so much, because everyone has their own reasons, I am deciding to simply stop doing it. That’s it, just stop. I’ve already started doing this with certain things, going so far as to delete my “sorry for” caption before posting my 5th instagram pic of the day. It’s just not necessary, the apologizing.
So here is a list of things that I will not apologize for, and I’m looking to my husband and close friends to help keep this in check, as I would do for them. I’m not talking about things that I do to hurt people, apologizing and asking for forgiveness is an important part of relationships. I am referring to the things that do not take anything away from anyone else, but for some reason I feel guilty for doing/not doing.
- My house being less than immaculate. This can make my guests feel like my standard of “messy” is higher than theirs, which can create insecurity.
- Posting lots of photos in one day. That’s what scrolling is for.
- Posting progress photos of myself. We should support each other for posting our achievements instead of feeling like the person posting is full of themselves.
- Not wanting to work out, eat healthy, be zen. We all need to have our moments, days, weeks, where we just aint feeling it.
- Taking time to take care of myself. For those moments where you actually do feel like some self-love. Never apologize.
- Being sensitive. That’s who I am.
- Not being available on my phone/social media. Unless I’m neglecting plans that affect another person, I will not apologize for unplugging.
- Posting about my business on social media. I’d expect anyone else with a business/job to do the same!
- Complaining. If I’m complaining to the point where my friends feel like I’m digging myself in a hole, then I expect them to tell me. Otherwise, the occasional complaint is no reason to apologize. I think sometimes we use #firstworldproblems as a way to alleviate the guilt of posting a complaint over something trivial, but what is trivial to one person is monumental to another. There is that whole scrolling bit as well.
- Being an imperfect wife/parent/daughter/friend. As long as I confront and apologize for the things that I do to hurt others, I should not apologize for making mistakes. Just learn from them, move on.
My challenge is to make your own list! You can feel free to post it or keep it private but have a list of things that you know you might apologize for that you really don’t need to. Everyone’s list will be different and specific to your own life and you might surprise yourself with what you come up with.